I had an Epiphany recently!
I was reading one of my favorite Mom Blogs, Mommy Mellen's Musings, and it encapsulated, many of my recent personal thoughts about time management and friendships.
Let me start by saying that working a full time job outside of the home and being a mom, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter, niece, sister, sister-in-law, co-worker, friend, baseball/soccer/basketball/bowling mom, PTA member, and neighbor, is no easy task. I love each of these titles, but it's hard sometimes to equally distribute the proper amount of time to each of these roles.
Believe it or not, I actually like working outside of the house. It keeps my mind stimulated. I get to meet interesting people whom I may have never crossed paths with, and I get to learn from very educated, and some very not-so-educated people. I get to be a part of a team of professionals.I like having a schedule.
Believe it or not, I actually dislike working outside of the house. I hate having to get up every morning, not knowing how long my commute to work will be(today it took me 2 hours to get to work due to traffic), I hate missing parties at school and being able to be "room mom." I hate not being able to go on Every field trip, or volunteering in the classroom. I hate not being able to "do brunch" in the middle of the week with my girlfriends, or get a "pedi" at 3 o clock in the afternoon on the 2nd Thursday of each month.
And when you invite me to join you at an event, or function, or day trip to NYC, or to dinner, or your house, and I say "Sorry, I need to pass this time..." It's not because I don't love you, or don't want to spend time with you, it just that sometimes it's ok to say "NO" Because, it might be a night that my family and I are able to sit down to dinner at a reasonable time, and talk to each other, and take a walk together. Or I might get to sit on the front porch by myself and enjoy a magazine and a glass of wine, ALONE. Or I might decide to do one of the six baskets of dirty laundry that has taken over the laundry room and make sure that E doesn't show up to Baseball in a dirty uniform because I was out all day doing something else, or actually fold one of the four baskets of clean laundry that has been sitting in the family room for a week. Or clean off the huge pile of mail and paperwork that has multiplied on the kitchen counter. Or it might be a day that I get to spend snuggling on the sofa watching Sponge Bob or Star Wars (for the hundredth time), and reading books, playing with Legos, and Matchbox cars.
I love my"Inner circle" and my girlfriends, but when you work a full time job, and have a husband that works shift work and a part time job, and you are in the car traveling to and from work every day (an hour each way sometimes, and you get a call on the way home to stop at Target to pick up supplies for the school project for your 7 year old that you forgot about, or get groceries or fast food on your way home so that you can enjoy dinner with your family possibly 3 nights a week, because sports are taking up the other nights, and weekends are consumed with things like yard work, or cleaning, or running errands,) it's difficult to say "yes" to every invite. But just because I said "no" to the last five things, doesn't mean that I'm going to say "no" to the next five.
My request is to be patient and understanding with me, and my family schedule
And read this apology from Mary Ellen, from Mommy Mellen's Musings, it sums it all up for me as well...
"I’d like to apologize to these people. I’m sorry, Inner Circle, for spreading myself too thin. I’m sorry for not being able to say no. I’m sorry that I feel so compelled to be all things to all people that sometimes those who really matter and deserve the most love and attention get pushed under the rug because I know they will understand. I’m sorry that in the same moment I think about connecting with you, I remember that there has been a load of laundry in my washer for two days that probably really stinks. I’m sorry that as I look at my calendar to make plans, I realize I haven’t had a single weekend where I just stay home and spend time with my husband and children in months. I’m letting you down, and I don’t know how to stop."
"Do I want to raise two (ONE in my case) children, work full time, be very involved in my mom’s group, spend quality time with my friends, exercise, go to church, write blog posts, troll the Internet for writing opportunities, involve my children in age appropriate activities, have date nights with my husband, plan parties, attend family events, travel, and see movies? YES! Yes, I do. Is it physically possible to keep up all of these things, REALLY keep them up and devote myself to them, and still be standing? No, it’s not. Sometimes, something has to give. As much as I want to master this giant juggling game, there just isn’t enough time or enough energy to give myself fully to each area. I’m tired. I don’t spend enough time with my husband."